Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category
Reader J. Peach took this picture at today’s “Glenn Beck Restores America” poetry slam and cookout. Apparently, all of this man’s racist shirts that actually make sense were in the laundry.
Update: The mystery of Weird Racist T-shirt Guy deepens!
Her form is perfect!
Archery at its finest. Elbow up in the proper position, target locked in, and lots of arches for the observers to look at. I wouldn’t be entirely surprised to find out that just off camera is another person with his “bow” trying to dot up a certain, unnamed target. This archer also has a lower back tattoo, it appears. I learned from a very smart movie that that might as well be the bullseye.
Also, I hope I’m not the only person thinking of that side-boob episode of ‘Family Guy.’ I mean, Peter Griffin would probably think that’s really quality side-boob.
Anyone who has rolled out of bed at 10am-ish and made the 100 yard commute from bedroom to home office knows the ups and downs of working from home.
The good: Sleeping past 6am, no office politics, and working naked without judgement.
The bad: Office mates consist of cats and the voices inside your head.
The Oatmeal breaks down both the awesome and horrible aspects of working from home in the rib-tickling way only a webcomic named after a breakfast food can do.
Full comic at The Oatmeal.
The following are weird sex laws that are or were in place at one time or another. This listing is for entertainment purposes only and those seeking legal advice should contact their state or country representative or a lawyer that is familiar with the state or country’s laws.
In the USA, the FDA does not currently regulate sex toys, so many of them are toxic.
In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.
“Female breasts,” according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don’t constitute “private parts” under state law.
The Asiatic Huns punished convicted male rapists and adulterers with castration. Female adulterers were merely cut in two.
The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
The T’ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.
In London, it’s illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.
There is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things—one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has.
In 100 A.D., the Teutons, an Germanic tribe, would punish anyone caught as a prostitute by suffocating them in excrement.
The vow of a Roman vestal virgin lasted 30 years. If she engaged in sex before then, she was punished by being buried alive.
In these days of measuring the productivity of everything and everybody, it is of great importance for our researchers to demonstrate how efficiently they utilize their resources. An often-recurring bone of contention is consequently “who can do most with the least?”
At one such set-to, a mathematician claimed that mathematics was the least wasteful, saying that “we need only three inexpensive tools for our research: Paper, pencil and waste basket.”
“Bah!” exclaimed the resident philosopher, “we don’t even need the waste basket!”
by Brittany on July 25, 2010
Andy!
What?
I just took my bra off in bed. You didn’t even roll over. When you were 18 you would have been all over me.
That was over 10 years ago. I know what boobies look like now.
Like they’re made of professional women’s basketball? Because you’re not even a little bit excited right now.
You always take your bra off in bed. You toss it towards the end of the mattress so I wake up with it tangled around my ankles. But, you know what, I actually am excited. Excited you threw it on the floor this time so I don’t wake up like David Carradine. It’s like I need a safe word to sleep.
Wow.
I’m just tired. I’ve been up for over 20 hours helping to get the boat in the water. I’m too exhausted to be excited.
I even shaved, and it took 30 minutes because Jude flushed the toilet three times, and the water turned freezing cold, and all my leg hair regrew, so I had to shave twice.
Is that why you have the baby pads stuck to your legs?
I’m assuming you mean pantyliners, because babies don’t menstruate, that’s gross. And, shaving over goosebumps is hard, Andy, band aids were too small to stop the blood.
Ah, ok, well rain check. Tomorrow when the kids nap. I gotta get some sleep.
Whatever. My legs will be all stubbly by then.
*passive aggressive roll over and pillow fluff*
You smell like chicken nuggets
The boys had happy meals for dinner, I ate one. Plus, my elbow feels sticky. Probably sweet and sour sauce.
Ahhh.
Yup.
Mmmm…do you still wanna mess around?
Oh my God I hate you.
Chicken Nuggets are Sexy!
Guest Post by Emily Goll
Sarah Palin has had a busy life since Senator John McCain plucked her out of obscurity during the 2008 election. Fortunately for us, the majority of this has been filmed and preserved as a now essential part of American history that we can relive over and over again on YouTube (thank you?). From interviews to speeches, here are the funniest, most outrageous and totally absurd Sarah Palin moments caught on tape thus far.
In her very first televised interview during the 2008 campaign, Charles Gibson asked Palin if she “agreed with the Bush Doctrine.” Uh oh. With obvious confusion, Sarah first tries to dodge the question and then when asked pointblank how she interprets the Bush Doctrine she responds (with obvious trepidation) that the Bush Doctrine is President Bush’s “world view.” Wrong. This interview was America’s first glimpse of why the governor of Alaska was simply not ready to be President of the United States.
2. Sarah Palin: “What does a VP do?”
In this clip, Sarah famously confesses on CNBC during the 2008 campaign that she has no idea what the vice president does. Yikes. The exact quote reads as follows: “As for that VP talk all the time, I tell ya, I still can’t answer that question until somebody answers for me, what exactly is it that the VP does every day?”
This Quebec comedy duo pranked Sarah during their radio show in 2008. Using nothing but French accents, they managed to convince the governor that she was speaking to France’s President Nicolas Sarkozy. Together, they discussed Nicolas’ beautiful wife, hunting, and promoting a special American advisor named Johnny Hallyday (a French singer). Sarah bought the prank up until they revealed themselves at the very end of the clip. An embarrassed Palin quickly got off the phone.
Immediately following Sarah’s pardoning of a turkey on Thanksgiving in Alaska, Sarah proceeded to give an interview right outside of a turkey slaughter house. While discussing her career and “getting her message out,” we are given a clear view of turkey’s being killed directly behind her. Given the circumstances, you can’t help but laugh.
Even Palin’s own camp admitted that her interview with Katie Couric went horribly, but this clip made headlines everywhere. When asked what newspapers specifically she read to keep informed, Palin responded, “Um…all of them.” Really, Palin? You read all the news? The media had a field day with this response and Palin ended up using it as an example of “gotcha media.” It was, after all, a pretty tricky question.
In this clip, Couric questions Sarah on citing Alaska’s proximity to Russia as part of her foreign policy experience. Trying to redeem herself, Palin speaks nonsensically for about a minute on how this affected her duties as governor: “We have trade missions back and forth…it’s from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there…they are right next to our state.” I’m sure Putin was shivering in his boots with Palin on watch!
7. Palin: Okay, I Didn’t Quite Say That
In September 12, 2008, Charles Gibson interviewed Sarah Palin and questioned her on her flip flopping stance on “The Bridge to Nowhere.” Gibson says, “It’s now pretty clearly documented that you were for that bridge before you opposed it.” Oops. This clip shows Sarah Palin trying to back pedal her way out the subject…and failing.
Apparently September 2008 was not a great month for Palin. Here is a clip (courtesy of CNN) showing Sarah trying to answer an audience question at a campaign rally on her foreign policy experience. She tells the audience that she “has that readiness and if you want specifics with specific policy or countries, go ahead and-and you can ask me. You can even play stump the candidate.” Yes! That’s great! We would love to play stump the candidate…but sadly, this is about where John McCain jumped in and took over the answering of questions. Lame.
9. Palin: No Second Guessing Israel’s “Security Efforts”
Here we see Palin’s interesting take on Israel. According to Palin, the United States should never “second guess” Israel, even if they choose to take action against Iran. She sums everything up very succinctly by saying that in a situation where Israel took action against Iran, “It seems obvious to me who the good guys are and who the bad guys are.” I had no idea foreign policy was so black and white!
10. Palin Declares War on Iran
When talking about what she and McCain will do in their first 100 days in office, Palin accidently said, “We’ll get this economy back on the right track and really sure up the strategies we need over in Iraq and Iran to win these wars.”What? We’re at war with Iran? Not Afghanistan? Better get to the nearest bomb shelter, stat!
Emily Goll is the editor of My Dog Ate My Blog and a writer on online courses for Guide to Online Schools.
The text below is an actual chat session from Omegle… Everything is written exactly as it appeared. Pardon the terrible grammar and spelling. There are some sick, sad, hilarious people in the world…
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: Asl
You: 17f florida
Stranger: 17 m new york
You: kewl
Stranger: Wat you doing?
You: surfin
Stranger: So wat you wearing?
You: i was checking out this site www.quixoticjourney.com, it pretty cool… i like the funny posters, except the naked chicks
You: i dunno… jeans and a tank top
You: why?
Stranger: Ohh are you tight??
You: How do you mean?
You: Like cool?
Stranger: No is ur vigina tight?
You: Oh… my vigina.
You: You mean my vagina?
You: Yes, it’s spectacular.
You: Thank you
Stranger: Ohh yummy I wanna taste it!!
You: Too bad your in NY then.
Stranger: I’m really hard!!
You: Oh yeah?
You: Check this out then…
You: http://www.quixoticjourney.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/0029.jpg
You: It might help you a bit
You: I want to scratch your skin as I scream No! Stop! Someone please Help me! Help! I’m being raped!
You: Then I will laugh at you when the police take you away
You: with my shit on your dick
Stranger: I’ll make you scream!!
You: Oh yeah?
You: Are you tight?
Stranger: I’m hard
You: I want to shove my dick up your ass.
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
This is a hilariously bad training video…
HACKING IS EASY! from Airwave Ranger on Vimeo.
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